The A-Z of Delingpole Being a Twat

On 15th May 2011, James Delingpole spoke out against political correctness in a desperate attempt to fill space in the Sunday Telegraph and become the next Richard Littlejohn. In the spirit of free speech, I will now research all of Delboy's claims, provide citation for each one and analyse whether any of them are actually a clear example of "political correctness gone mad".

A is for 'A-Levels'

Having taken my A-Levels a few years ago, I can confirm that they're still a challenge for most students. There are several reasons behind the increasing pass rate (97.6% of entries receive an E or better as of 2010), such as adjustments to the papers by the exam boards, improved teaching standards, the use of Internet and revision guides as a resource, and the fact many students who would be incapable of passing A-Levels had already left school after taking their GCSEs, leaving those with the motivation to revise for the exams. However, it is worth remembering that only 27% gained an A or better last year, and just 8% gained an A*. These are the grades you need to be aiming at to get into your first-choice university where you can study for a meaningful degree in the fields of science or humanities (or even English Literature).

B is for 'Bumper Cars'

At the end of last April, it was claimed that Butlins had introduced a new policy restricting customers from bumping into each other in the dodgems. This isn't anything new as you'll find that most owners of bumper cars discourage customers from collisions and make them go round in a circle in one direction. This also makes perfect sense as customers could suffer whiplash or other injuries (which could result in ligation), or at least cause excessive damage to the equipment (which would be expensive and inconvenient to fix). Of course, you'll also find that most customers will ignore this advice and bump into anything that moves.

C is for 'Climate Change'

As a Libertarian Conservative, Delingpole sees the possible solutions to climate change (such as energy conservation, investment in alternative sources of energy or the regulation of carbon dioxide emissions by the industry) as a threat to his ideological beliefs in the free market and complete, individualistic freedom from the state. However, rather than criticise the proposed actions which the Government might take to prevent and/or deal with runaway global warming, he instead denies the science, rejecting all the evidence he doesn't like without any consideration and accusing anyone who accepts the reality of climate change of either being part of a conspiracy, an eco-fascist and/or a libtard. His stance on the matter is ideological, not scientific, as his conclusions are formed on existing prejudices instead of the evidence.

D is for 'Drowning'

In September 2007, 10 year old Jordan Lyon drowned in a pond, despite the fact he allegedly could have been rescued by two Police Community Support Officers. From reading the story, it becomes apparent that neither PCSOs were trained to deal with an incident of this nature, although they did radio trained officers for help. As tragic and preventable as this death was, it has little to do with political correctness or health and safety, nor is it a reason to attack “race and diversity” and “health, safety and welfare” included in PCSO training, which is irrelevant to the incident.

E is for 'Edinburgh, Duke of'

It speaks volumes that the man who Delingpole thinks is "the greatest bastion of political incorrectness" is a bigoted old man born into a privileged lifestyle who completely lacks the social etiquette and considerate nature required to interact with people from different cultures. LOL WOT A LEGURND.

F is for 'Feminists, and Their Famous Sense of Humour'

Here, Delingpole tells us an incredibly sexist and offensive "joke" about how women belong in the kitchen, which not only perpetuates outdated gender stereotypes, but also isn't actually funny.

G is for 'Golliwogs'

Last March, two prospective Conservative councillors, Bill and Star Etheridge, posed for pictures holding golliwog dolls, which they then uploaded to Facebook "to promote a healthy debate about the toy" (Personally, I think they were just shit stirring.They were subsequently suspended by the Conservative disciplinary committee after a complaint, before resigning and joining UKIP. But this wasn't political correctness gone mad; the reason why they were suspended was because they risked "bring[ing] the party into disrepute and/or that you may be guilty of conduct not compatible with membership of the Conservative Party". When you're working in politics, it's very important for you to present a good image of yourself to the public, and it's your responsibility not to put yourself in any compromising positions which could be used against you by enemies. If these pictures were discovered and distributed by their opponents, it would be hugely embarrassing for the individuals involved and the party as a whole.

H is for 'Health and Safety'

Which is not the same as political correctness.

I is for 'Islamism'

For a multicultural society to function, it is necessary for us to be tolerant of those who come from different cultures and have different backgrounds, and to be respectful to their traditions and beliefs where there is no need to oppose them. This applies to all religions, not just Islam, as well as to atheism. Delboy refers to Tafazal Mohammad, a man with alleged links to the 7/7 bombers, who received £80,000 to teach officers how to combat terrorism. I can understand the police's logic here; despite the risks associated and concerns raised by this partnership, through the cooperation of a man who has previously been on the inside, they can understand the jihadist mindset and to thus engage with Muslim communities. In any case, I fail to see what this method of counter-terrorism has got to do with political correctness, especially since Delboy could have easily have moaned about any of the Islamophobic stories reported by the Daily Express and Star.

J is for 'Jon Snow'

The first Jon Snow is the Channel 4 newsreader who refuses to wear a Remembrance poppy on air during October/November on the basis that, as a newsreader, he believes he shouldn't wear any symbols which express his own personal views, nor does he believe he should be forced to wear a poppy for the sake of wearing one. You'd think Delingpole would be supportive of Snow's attempt to uphold the libertarian principle of being able to wear whatever you want - a man who rebels against the fascist PC brigade who forces everyone on TV to wear poppies. But alas, he's a "pinko liberal" and Delingpole's a big fan of war and soldiers, so he's wrong. The other Jon Snow is the Soho pub who threw a gay couple out for kissing. Delingpole complains about the outrage generated by "the Twitter Taliban". So I guess that means if you have ever spoken out against homophobia in your life, you're as bad as a terrorist and should be locked up. Or perhaps be paid thousands of pounds to teach police officers how to engage with homosexuals.

K is for 'KFC'

I never quite understood the fuss surrounding halal meat. I mean, if you really cared about the way million of animals every year are slaughtered at the end of their miserable lives, you'd go vegetarian. Delboy refers to KFC's policy of serving halal meat in some restaurant and some branches of Domino Pizza no longer serving pizzas topped with pepperoni, sausage or ham. There's a great page on KFC's website which explains the reasons behind the halal trials held in 2010. Simply put, there was a demand for halal foods in parts of the UK and, being a corporate entity, KFC recognised that there was therefore a new market they could reach out to. Most importantly, all poultry is stunned before being mechanically and ritually slaughtered, so the animal should experience no pain. This makes the method of halal-meat no different to the preparation of non-halal meat (apart from the bleeding and the recitation of a verse from the Koran). As for Domino's Pizza, the 2009 trial was only ever held in three branches in the UK and was overturned the following year due to a lack of demand.

L is for 'Llantrisant, South Wales'

In 2009, three bridges for dormice were built across the road linking Talbot Green and Pontypridd at a cost of £190,000, thus providing the mice a safe passage through one side to the other. Cue outrage from the Daily Mail and Taxpayer's Alliance. However, the humble dormouse is one of Britain's most endangered mammals and are protected by EU habitat regulations. What Delboy (as well as the Daily Mail and Taxpayer's Alliance) fail to realise that the council and contractors were legally required to provide wildlife protection before the bypass was approved. Were it not for these bridges, the road would not have been allowed to have been built.

M is for 'Motor Insurance'

Now Delingpole complains that insurance companies have to treat women and men equally after a ruling by the European Court of Justice, despite the fact young men are more likely to have a car accident than young women. Not only that, but male pensioners will have their income reduced, despite the fact men generally die younger than women. On one hand, this is bad because insurance companies work through risk analysis; the more likely a demographic is to have an accident or die, the higher their insurance premiums will be because the company is more likely to pay out. On the other, this policy was positive discrimination based on age and gender, and it also lumps individuals into the same categories, such as all young men of being reckless, dangerous drivers. Unfortunately, it also means women's premiums will increase next year to match men's.

N is for 'N*****'

You can't use a racial slur anymore unless you're a black rapper? It's political correctness gone mad!

Here, Delboy complains about The N Word being censored from TV broadcast of the 1955 film The Dam Busters and the literacy classic The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain. The former is understandable due to Ofcom regulations regarding offensive language. As The N Word is very offensive and carries a lot of cultural and historical significance, if it was broadcast before the watershed, the channel would receive a number of complaints and the newspapers would give them a pillorying. Of course, if this bothers Delingpole so much, I'm sure they've left the word in on The Dambusters DVD, which he probably owns.

In 2011, a new edition of Huckleberry Finn was released by NewSouth Books, which replaced The N Word with the word "slave". The justification behind this decision was the fact that many classrooms refuse to study this historical classic on the sole basis that it contains an unpleasant word which many people feel uncomfortable reading, let alone saying out loud. Some scholars criticised the changes because the use of The N Word here is justifiable in its historical context. But for the common newspaper churnalist, is this really worth making a storm in a teacup about? You can still buy thousands of copies of the book containing the original text. It's not like they've taken the original manuscript and crossed out all instances of The N Word from there, subsequently changing all other copies of the book retrospectively.

O is for 'Offence-Taking'

Now Delingpole complains people are too easily offended, which is odd considering his apparent support for the landlady of the Jon Snow pub who was offended at the sight of two men kissing. He also claims that “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” which is why I gave this blogpost the title it has.

P is for 'Peppa Pig'
In January 2010, after concerns from parents, Astley Baker Davies announced they would not only show Peppa Pig wearing a seat-belt from now on but they would also retrospectively go back and reanimate previous episodes to reflect the changes. Delingpole calls this political correctness, I call this setting a good example to viewers. And besides, this isn't anything new; the original Batman TV series from the '60s nearly always showed a shot of Batman and Robin fastening their seatbelts every time they set off in the Batmobile.

Q is for 'Quangos'

I fail to see how the Equality and Human Rights Commission, established to help eliminate discrimination, reduce inequality, promote and protect human rights and to build relations within communities is a Bad Thing, but then again, it promotes "political correctness" and enforces equality legislation, which is unlibertarian, so it must be a Bad Thing after all.

R is for 'Rover'

Last week, Oxford Theology Faculty Fellow Dr Andrew Linzey wrote in The Journal of Animal Ethics that instead of calling animals 'pets', we should call them 'companion animals'. This is just one man's opinion; there's no obligation to do what he says. Seriously.

S is for 'Sooty'

Now Delingpole complains that the popular glove puppet bear isn't allowed to make sexually provocative remarks about Soo! It's political correctness gone mad! Just kidding, this refers to Kuldip Singh Dhillon, a Punjabi-born British property developer and polo-playing friend of Prince Charles, who goes by the nickname of 'Sooty'. There was discussion of this in the media in January 2009 over whether this was just a teeny-weeny bit racist, but Dhillon himself has said that he doesn't mind being called 'Sooty' and that his friends use it as a "term of affection". So while I, as a politically correct, bleeding-heart libtard wouldn't feel comfortable using this nickname for him, I can't really comment on this. Eventually, the media lost interest and Dhillion's friends presumably continue to call him 'Sooty' - so this isn't an example of political correctness suppressing free speech.

T is for 'Twitter'

Ah yes, the nasty, liberal, left-wing Twitterati bullies who descend on anyone who dares oppose its "enforced codes of aching political correctness". Or writes stupid, poorly-written and offensive pieces for a national newspaper, for that matter. Considering how much Delboy seems to hate the website, it's odd that he continues to have an account. Delingpole also neglects to mention the number of right-wing/libertarian users of the website who can be just as outspoken, not to mention the fact he's willing to block anyone who doesn't sycophantically agree with everything he says (or contains the words "sustainability" in their bio).

U is for 'Unreliablity'

In January 2010, a Hertfordshire recruitment agency was told by their local Jobcentre Plus that they couldn’t advertise for “reliable and hard-working” applicants on the basis that it could "discriminate against the unreliable". This sounds like the perfect example of PC gone mad - even the Equality and Human Rights Commission which Delingpole wants to eliminate says that the way the advert was worded was not a breach of any discrimination law. But it's worth remembering that many potential employees may have a disability which prevents them from being reliable (i.e. being able to work every single day or on demand) so this advert could be seen as being unintentionally discriminatory towards the disabled. Nevertheless, it seems that there was a mistake by one individual at one Jobcentre Plus branch which has since been resolved. To use this as evidence of how "political correctness has extended its tentacles into every aspect of our existence" is laughable.

V is for 'Vegetarianism'
Amazingly, Delingpole actually believes that those who insist on not eating meat for ethical reasons or have gluten intolerance, a recognised medical condition, are imposing "very irritating food fads" on society. Of course, I would be very surprised if Delboy would want to invite any of those eco-fascist hippies with their genetic, autoimmune disorders to his dinner parties.

W is for 'Winterval'

Bullshit. Winterval was a series of events organised by Birmingham City Council in the winters of 1997 and 1998 to encourage citizens to spend more money in the town centre. No council anywhere has ever banned Christmas and replaced it with Winterval. A full report on the Winterval myth can be read here.

X is for 'The Cross'
Passing over the fact that 'The Cross' begins with a T or C, here we have another story from April about the nasty PC Brigade picking on the innocent god-fearing, hard-working Briton for having a small crucifix in the window of the van he drives. As Zelo Street points out, the company has a policy of no personal symbols inside their vans, but Colin can, however, wear a religious symbol on his person if he so wishes. Eventually, they came to an agreement allowing him to stick a palm leaf cross to the front of the glove compartment rather than the dashboard. Delingpole also refers to some companies' policy of allowing Muslim employees to not sell alcohol if they really don't want to, but this is a strawman argument.

Y is for 'Yoofs [sic]'

Obviously, Delingpole hates teenagers and young adults like me, what with our nasty, outspoken liberal views. They even want to go to university for free so they can do sod all except shag and take drugs for three years - a complete contrast to the days when Delingpole and his friends, David Cameron and George Osborne, were at Oxford, of course. He even has a go at their parents, accusing them of being "too caring to say “no”". With views like this, it's no wonder he gets repeatedly ridiculed and insulted on Twitter. But then again, in the old days, we had a saying, didn't we, Delingpole? “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”, right? 

Z is for 'Zoo'

Here, Delboy complains that zoos aren't allowed to keep exotic animals such as elephants in restricted environments anymore and that London Zoo declares humans to be the World’s Most Dangerous Animal. I actually remember finding that mirror several years ago so this isn't a new feature to the zoo.
 While the mosquito comes pretty close, I'd struggle to think of another species which causes as much widespread and irreversible damage to the environment, that actively commits genocide against its own species and writes up highly-inaccurate, xenophobic and badly-researched articles for a major newspaper.

And so, after going through Delingpole's article in detail, it becomes apparent that nearly every story he mentions either has nothing to do with political correctness whatsoever or was a single, independent incident which has since been resolved and has no relevance to the rest of the country as a whole. Instead, the A to Z is simply a pointless, self-indulgent whinge by an immature man afraid of the world around him, written to appeal to the Daily Telegraph's main demographic of Middle-Englanders. It is also a rip-off of a similar article which Delingpole wrote for the Daily Mail in 2007 entitled "An A-Z guide to the PC madness blighting modern Britain" (which I am not going to debunk because I can't face the prospect of doing this all over again). It seems that Delingpole has mistaken the term "political correctness" for "not being a dick".

To close this blogpost, I give you Stewart Lee, the Not An Observational Comic which Delingpole mentions at the start of this farcical article, on the type of people who confuse political correctness with health and safety, singling out Delingpole's poster boy, Richard Littlejohn, in the process.